After almost a decade.. My view on ownership

I’m finding the more I involve Myself in the lifestyle as a Matriarch and Dominant of My household and everyday life, the more I find collaring in the Professional scene an oddity, a paradox and those that prove suitable are a rare find, almost unicorn like.

When I first started out on the journey to be Mistress Tess, the Professional Dominatrix, yes, I was naturally Dominant in My personal relationships until that point but I had no idea of protocols, rituals, BDSM and kink, despite willingly indulging in kinky activities at the suggestion of previous lovers over the years - I’ve always been open minded!

But the more I learned, the more I felt at home in the idea of a full Female Led Relationship, with kink elements and I’m very lucky to have that here in 2023 with My slave, Seven.

So back to owning in the scene. At the beginning, My perception of collaring was almost superficial.

I saw peers and other Domme’s online collaring men they’d been seeing for some time, or maybe even paying them a decent amount of money and thought maybe it was just a way of keeping hold of a good business venture, or that it looked fashionable to have collared “slaves” and maybe some Ladies on the scene do use it as such and that’s ok, as that’s certainly what My initial thought was.

The good thing about this job is that there are no right or wrong when it comes to style and marketing.

You can approach this however you feel comfortable and have the boundaries / standards which make you happy.

I collared a couple of My regulars very early on and I did that because I was led to believe it was natural progression, those men were seeing Me regularly and to be honest I had no idea what it meant to Me, I took no time to stop and evaluate that. I just thought it was something that was done. I mean, the UK scene is hardly brimming with places to turn to for advice and knowledge and unfortunately it is still very much that way almost a decade later.

So, those that have followed My journey have seen Me own some over the years, then watched them go, sometimes acrimoniously.

The main reason for the parting of ways? In short, I’ve outgrown them. I’ve disbanded each and every one of My collared subs / subs under consideration due to My expectations not being met or My expectations having changed over the years and those surrounding Me cannot, perhaps despite wanting to, continue to manage My expectations.

With My current relationship, I’m quite happy to announce I’m likely classed as more lifestyle than Professional Dominatrix in My soul nowadays. What I mean by that is I have a 24/7 slave whom I’m in a personal relationship and we embody what I believe a true collaring should represent.

That is that he shows his devotion daily, both emotionally, physically and visually. he ensures My needs and desires are met before his own, and he is happy to do so, he thrives on My happiness. W/we indulge in daily rituals and expectations to keep the kink element alive such as wearing a discrete day collar, foot kisses both morning upon rising and evening before bed, he hasn’t had a single orgasm since becoming Mine WITHOUT My permission and he has regular intervals of chastity and humility tasks.

So with the above in mind I find My expectations for a collared slave whom I will have met via the Professional setting, extremely high. I want to add here that I do adore having collared slaves.

I’m extremely social and I enjoy male company, I’m a mechanical engineer by qualification and spent 8 years working within engineering, male company is My comfort zone.

One could argue that if I enjoy having collared slaves why not make time to find them in a less professional environment. The problem with that is primarily I don’t have the time. I have a family and I have the horse for My equestrian escape but other than that I have work / kink and that is My life. Having collared subs that I met through My Professional side allows Me to have the best of both worlds with the time that I have.

Caveat, I also find it kind of arousing to have men pay for My time. It’s a boost for the ego and I’m here for it, We are of an age where Women should feel comfortable in speaking aloud in what makes them feel alive. Financial Domination hasn’t become the huge conglomerate that it is without Women saying I think it’s hot that you pay Me, so pay Me.

Technically, a sub / slave paying for My time in some capacity isn’t Financial Domination but still contextually to the above mentioned, I think it’s a power exchange, and it’s hot.

So this leads on to what are My expectations of collaring..

For Me, collaring you comes after a period of commitment to Me, to start. Commitment meaning regular sessions, supporting My online persona on the likes of social media and investing in My content endeavours such as signing up to My fan platforms like and

Or purchases of My professional clips off any number of My clips stores, such as

Past that, I have to truly enjoy your company, to almost the companion level of enjoyment, it’s not as clinical as a 10 step programme, it’s personal for Me. Every sub I have collared, I’ve been emotionally attached to, I adore them, I see them as Mine.

Collared subs would have an expectation of them of contributing toward making My life easier in an alternate fashion to just the above mentioned.

Such as coming to be chore whore for the day at My dungeon, sending additional tributes such as monthly, covering expenses such as beauty treatments or holiday costs.

I’d also like to think that as My collared submissive W/we spend more than just kink time together such as spa days, cinema trips, holidays, driving experiences, I’ve had My boys come watch Me ride / compete with the horse. Some non transactional time, time to bond, to laugh and to connect together outside of dungeon time. A deeper connection proves more bonded and intense play time and as My collared submissive I’m happy to invest this time into you for the sake of O/our relationship together. I want to enjoy you fully.

2023 has seen Me release a couple of My collared subs because of these changes in expectations mentioned here and also a change in their circumstances meaning they cannot meet My expectations any longer and don’t get Me wrong it wasn’t that cut throat, or quick of a decision. I’ve been sad about it, but they have to adhere to My boundaries to continue to feed My own happiness which in this scene is paramount.

It has required understanding and adult conversation, which can also be rare with the type of “submissive” men the internet breeds. I know that I have grown in the scene, from the emotional capacity I’ve had to deal with in this parting of ways, as it hasn’t always been this way. I’ve had some explosive partings with subs in the past and it has made things a lot more difficult to deal with.

Now this blog post was not designed to advertise openings, far from it. But more for Me to get some of My thoughts and feelings in writing, to give some insight into how I think. I’m down to three collared subs now, all of which have been with Me in excess of 4 years. All different in the ways they bring Me joy. I wouldn’t be adverse to taking on new collared subs, but as a natural progression from a session style relationship as mentioned earlier. I don’t consider collaring a collection process like collecting stamps. It should be special, a blessing and for you, an honour.